so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
