Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
