I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dignity is for republicans.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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