I've blown a few things in my day
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
