I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
