Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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