Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
