Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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