Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
