I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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