There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
