Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
