I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
