Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
