just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
