i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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