Your tits are I can't wait for
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
