hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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