UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
