it wasn't lemon gatorade
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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