i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
