Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
