I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
