i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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