is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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