let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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