Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did i walk over a car last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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