If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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