GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
