Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
