just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
bring money and cleavage
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
