Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
