the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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