he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
