i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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