just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
