I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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