So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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