Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
