i just google imaged poop.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
