My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
