my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
