when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
