Soap is not a condiment
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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