apparently the secret to your success is patron
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
