If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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