so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
