I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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