yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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