Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think people are normalizing furries
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
