what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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