i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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