So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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