Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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