i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
