THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
