I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
