i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
