I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
