my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
