Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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