the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize