I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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