Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
