So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
