your thong is hanging out like whoa
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
