Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize