i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
